“Okay, so there's four basic categories of happiness that I'm going to want to focus on all right? One, work a job where you can see the physical results of your labor at the end of each day. Two, make up mundane celebrations to distract you from your inevitable death. Number three, ingest sugary, fatty, and salty things that release endorphins in your brain. And four, partner with a convenient person within a 20-mile radius to procreate and therefore feel as though a memory of you will live on.”