“Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.”
More from Dwight Schrute
“In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all. It's fear. Merry Christmas.”
“Michael always says, 'K-I-S-S, keep it simple, stupid.' Great advice, hurts my feelings…”
“You're a perfectly fine toilet... I'm just an extraordinary piece of crap.”
“Ryan: Did you see Saw? Dwight: Of course I see-saw. Mose and I see-saw all the time.…”