“Hayley: That dream is a warning. Society's trying to brainwash me to conform, to color inside the lines, to get married and have babies. Well I'm not drinking the Kool-Aid anymore.
Francine: Have you tried it with Splenda?”
More from Jim Bernstein
“[to the board] These scholarships, an offer, became a binding contract upon the signatures…”
“I'm gonna finish this meatloaf, get on a plane to Toronto and shoot you in your lying…”
“You wanna talk about awkward moments? Once, during sex, I called Lois 'Frank.' Your move,…”
“Just because snow is the same color as our refrigerator, doesn't mean you know how it…”