“I live in the Big Apple, but I spend all my time with the Big Vegetable. Why can’t I have fun like an upper middle-class person?”
More from Jon Pollack
“Well, when you say 'classmate', it sounds like we take naps together and eat paste, but…”
“I have a conflict. It conflicts with the enjoyment of my life.”
“Look at me. I've got the body of a fifth grader.”
“I was so unpopular in high school, the crossing guards used to lure me into traffic!”