“I have a conflict. It conflicts with the enjoyment of my life.”
More from Jon Pollack
“Well, when you say 'classmate', it sounds like we take naps together and eat paste, but…”
“Look at me. I've got the body of a fifth grader.”
“I was so unpopular in high school, the crossing guards used to lure me into traffic!”
“Our first assignment is a documentary. They're like real movies but with ugly people.”