“So, my parents are, like, fighting all the time, and they want me to choose sides. But I can't, because they're both idiots.”
More from Matt Witten
“Donna: Excuse me, Jackie, when exactly did you lose your soul? Jackie: Um, cheerleading…”
“Please, Jenna can't hear us. She's blind.”
“Hey, I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I am that good.”
“Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?”