“I got a king sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable. Oh, you're a king you say? Well you won't believe what I have in store for you! It's to your exact specifications!”
More from Mitch Hedberg
“Alcoholism is a disease, but it’s the only one you can get yelled at for having.”
“The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good…”
“You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going…”
“I don't have a girlfriend, but I know a woman who would get really angry if she heard me…”