“I mean, it sucks he has a problem, but since when do people in rehab get care packages? I mean, what are we gonna send him, some methadone?”
More from Molly Smith Metzler
“I drive on a lunar schedule on account of my vampire blood.”
“There are times in my life when sex plays a bigger role than it probably should, and when…”
“Oh, my God. You're so old. From afar, I was like, okay, she's cute. But up close? You…”
“It's like I'm just this overactive, hormonal baby capsule that hasn't had sex in 12 days.”