“I was breaking into the Fed naked with 'OPEC' written on me in pig's blood before you were even a twinkle in the eye of the dog that mounted your mom.”
More from Robert Carlock
“I did Big Sister in college. That little girl taught me how to use tampons”
“There was a cyclone in Brooklyn last year. It destroyed two vintage T-shirt shops and a…”
“Hey, can I borrow a cup of flour? Some white kids outside want cocaine...”
“This musical is going to be a lop. which is a flop which couldn't give an F.”