“History began on July 4, 1776. Everything that happened before that was a mistake.”
More from Ron Swanson
“Put some alcohol in your mouth to block with words from coming out.”
“My first ex-wife's name is Tammy. My second ex-wife's name is Tammy. My Mom's name is…”
“So you talked to Tammy? What's it like to stare into the eye of Satan's butthole?”
“I was born ready. I'm Ron Fucking Swanson.”