“Over the years, I've learned that the best way to react [to hecklers] is to ignore them. I don't need to be in a two-man band with a stranger when I'm doing what I do.”
More from Steven Wright
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.”
“I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.”
“In school they told me ‘Practice makes perfect.’ And then they told me ‘Nobody's perfect,’…”
“I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. [sighs] It's a start...”