“The dreams of my life were to go on The Tonight Show and to have a small part in a movie. When I was 28, I had been on The Tonight Show a bunch of times, and Risa Bramon, who was casting Desperately Seeking Susan—I didn't know her, but she liked my stand-up—brought me to the attention of the directo…”— Steven Wright, avclub.comTagged: the tonight show, Johnny Carson, Desperately Seeking Susan, Risa Bramon, Standup Comedy
“I'm a conservative kind of guy, so I do have these rules—I won't talk about this, this, and this. And I don't like talking about topical things. I like talking about little things, like lint.”— Steven Wright, avclub.comTagged: Conservative, Rules, Topical, Lint
“You're on a jet, you're five miles in the air, you're going 500 miles an hour, and you ask someone to bring you another Coke. That is as weird to me as any joke I said last night. I think that's why people identify with me, because there are a billion pieces of information, and there's so much chaos…”— Steven Wright, avclub.comTagged: Standup Comedy, Chaos, civilization, Coke, Shit
“I tell people I'm just a secretary for my own mind: Something comes into my head, and I write it down.”— Steven Wright, avclub.comTagged: Writing, Secretary
“Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written. I don't even really write the jokes, they just come into my head, and a joke can't come into my head on stage, because I'm too busy.”— Steven Wright, avclub.comTagged: Standup Comedy, Improv, Jokes, writer
“Over the years, I've learned that the best way to react [to hecklers] is to ignore them. I don't need to be in a two-man band with a stranger when I'm doing what I do.”— Steven Wright, avclub.comTagged: Hecklers, Standup Comedy
“It was like getting in a cab by accident with Jesus.”— Steven Wright, avclub.comTagged: Cab, accident, jesus
“My dream was so strong that I made myself do what horrified me. I was a nervous wreck.”— Steven Wright, avclub.comTagged: Dreams, Nervous Wreck
“About five years ago, somebody showed me some web sites that had my material all over them, and I thought that was fascinating. One reason was, I'd never seen my jokes written one right after another like that. I write on drawing paper—I don't even like lines on the paper—so I have notebooks all ove…”— Steven Wright, avclub.comTagged: Plagiarism, Wrongly Attributed, Writing, Notebooks
“When I die, I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.”— Steven Wright, avclub.comTagged: Living Will, Science Fiction
“I'm staying in an old hotel. They sent me a wake-up letter.”— Steven Wright, avclub.comTagged: Luddite, Old Fashioned, Wake Up Call
“I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.”— Steven Wright, avclub.comTagged: Strandup Comedy, Standup Comics, The End