“The dreams of my life were to go on The Tonight Show and to have a small part in a movie. When I was 28, I had been on The Tonight Show a bunch of times, and Risa Bramon, who was casting Desperately Seeking Susan—I didn't know her, but she liked my stand-up—brought me to the attention of the director. I was overwhelmed, because my fantasies both came true.”
More from Steven Wright
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.”
“I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.”
“In school they told me ‘Practice makes perfect.’ And then they told me ‘Nobody's perfect,’…”
“I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. [sighs] It's a start...”