Season 2

“Does this seem like a nightmare? A bad dream? Because that’s the effect I was going for.”

— Daniel Handler, Count Olaf, Neil Patrick Harris, imdb.com

“Girls were falling all over me in school, and not just because I would extend my leg when they walked by. I was a lone wolf, a mysterious stranger, a member of the drama club.”

— Daniel Handler, Count Olaf, Neil Patrick Harris, imdb.com

“Ah, cocktail hour. When the sky is gold with the promise of fortunes and sparkling with the light of a thousand stolen sapphires.”

— Daniel Handler, Count Olaf, Neil Patrick Harris, imdb.com

“Genius ideas are simple, like the wheel or neurosurgery.”

— Daniel Handler, Count Olaf, Neil Patrick Harris, imdb.com

“I thought having prisoners would be fun, but it’s like having a pet or an in-law. You can lock them up, then you have to feed them.”

— Daniel Handler, Count Olaf, Neil Patrick Harris, imdb.com

“In every library, there is a single book to answer the question that burns like a fire in the mind.”

— Daniel Handler, Olivia Caliban, Sara Rue, imdb.com

“If you have ever lost a friend, you know that it makes your world feel incomplete, like a puzzle with a piece missing, or one half of a broken spyglass.”

— Daniel Handler, Lemony Snicket, Patrick Warburton, imdb.com

“It may be difficult to believe, but, at any given moment, someone somewhere is in a dangerous situation and other people in some other place are dancing and having a good time. The world is often like this. A celebration here, terrible trouble just outside the door.”

— Daniel Handler, Lemony Snicket, Patrick Warburton, imdb.com

“If you want a mule to move, you can reward it with a carrot or you can hit it with a stick.”

— Daniel Handler, Count Olaf, Neil Patrick Harris, imdb.com

“Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can agree what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear.”

— Daniel Handler, Lemony Snicket, Patrick Warburton, imdb.com

“It’s time. Let’s lose our first patient.”

— Daniel Handler, Count Olaf, Neil Patrick Harris, imdb.com

“My body is a temple, young man. I would never sully my skin the way so many young people do nowadays with their hedonistic lifestyle of loud music and abstinence.”

— Daniel Handler, Count Olaf, Neil Patrick Harris, imdb.com

“My brother once said suspicious activity is like good jazz. We’ll know it when we hear it.”

— Daniel Handler, Jacques Snicket, Nathan Fillion, imdb.com

“My whole life is just going around and around in circles. Like one of those things a hamster plays on before you put it in the oven.”

— Daniel Handler, Count Olaf, Neil Patrick Harris, imdb.com

“Parts of the plan were unplanned. That’s the plan. I mean, you don’t want to overplan a plan.”

— Daniel Handler, Count Olaf, Neil Patrick Harris, imdb.com

“Perhaps the hardest part of life on the lam is that you have to keep moving, often in a direction that seems wrong, dangerous or an agonizing combination of both.”

— Daniel Handler, Lemony Snicket, Patrick Warburton, imdb.com

“Patience is like a grating foreign accent. It can wear thin.”

— Daniel Handler, Count Olaf, Neil Patrick Harris, imdb.com

“People don’t always get what they deserve in this world.”

— Daniel Handler, Esmé Squalor, Lucy Punch, imdb.com

“Scram, police! Wait, wait! That’s us. Right.”

— Daniel Handler, Count Olaf, Neil Patrick Harris, imdb.com

“Poetry? You’ll stop at nothing to make me talk.”

— Daniel Handler, Count Olaf, Neil Patrick Harris, imdb.com