Book

Extraordinary Means

John Green's The Fault in Our Stars meets Rainbow Rowell's Eleanor & Park in this darkly funny novel from the critically acclaimed author of The Beginning of Everything.Up until his diagnosis, Lane lived a fairly predi

Characters

Robyn Schneider (3)

I had a massive bed at home, and I loved her dearly. She was my queen, and I was her loyal subject.

— Robyn Schneider, amazon.com

Tired Bed Sleep

We mourn the future because it's easier than admitting that we're miserable in the present.

— Robyn Schneider, amazon.com

Future Mourning Misery present Unhappy

But second chances aren't forever. Even miracles have an expiration date.

— Robyn Schneider, amazon.com

Second Chances Dating Relationships Miracles Expiration Date


                                                             M                       M     WK                 &KK
                                                            K&   &     WM                 MMWW&
                                                            K    &   MWWW                 &WMWWKWW               K
                                                           &    M  MMWWWWW               KWWMWWWWWWK    &K   KK&KKKK&M
                                                              K   WWWWWWWWW              WWWWWWWWWWW&KK     KMMMM&K KM&
                                                               KWWWWWWWWWWWW&&&        KWWWWWWWWWWWWWMMWWWW&KMMMM&K K&K
                                                           K&WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMM&WWWWWWWWWWWWWMMWMMMMWMMW&&&&&K &&K
                                          &               WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMM&&MMMM&&&K&&KK&K
                                          K&M&&WWWWWW&KMMWWMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW&&K&&K&&KKKKKKKK&&
                                          K&&KMMMMWM&WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM&K&&K&KKK    KKK&K
                                           K&KMMMW&WWWWWWW&WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW&&M&&KK KKK     KK
                                           &&&&MMMMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM&MKK  &&&KK KKK
                                           K&M&MMMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM&  KK   KM&
                                            KK&MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMWMK        KK&KK&MM&M&K
                                            KMMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM&&K            KMMMWWM&KK
                                            &KKMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMM&&&M&        KMWWWWWWWWWWWWWMKK
                                          KM &&&&M&MM&&MMMWMWMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMMK&MKKKKKK   &&MWWWWWWWWWWWWWMM&K
                                           K KKKK  K K          KMWMMWWWWWWWWWW&KK&K&&                K&MWWWWM&   K
                                                                K&KMM&MWWWWWWWWWM&&K                       K&&KK
                                            &K&MMMWWWWMK              KWWWWWWWM&             MW                           KKKK
                                            K&WWW&                     &MMWWMM&K        &   WWW        KWM            K&& KKKKK
                                             K               WWK        K&&&M&K       KK KK KWW        K  K        K KMWMKKKKKK
                                            K     KW         WWWWK      KKK&KKK       &&K          &KMMKK&K        &KMMWW&K&M&KKK
                                                   &M       M&         K&KKK&K          K&KKKK&&MWWWWWWMM& K&   KKK&WMWWWM&&&&K
                                       K         K &KKK&MMMWM&K&&K     K&KK&&&K             K  KKKK&&&M&&&&MM&KK&&M&MMWWWM&&&&K
                                        &KK       KWWWWWWWWW&K         KKK& K&K              K&&&WMMMWWWWWWWWMMMMMM&MWMWMM&&&&K
                                        KMM&K&KK  KK&&&&&&KK            KK&K&&K         K&KK&&MMMMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMMWWMWWMM&&KK K
                                       K&MMMM&&K&&MMMMMMMMM&&KKK        KKKKKKK         K&MMMMWMWWMWMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMMM&&& K
                                       K&MMM&&MMMMMWWWWWWWWMM&&KK      KK&&KKK          KMMMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM&M&KK  K                  MWMW&
                                       KKMMMMMMWWWWWWWWWWWWWMM&&&      K&&&KKKK          &WMMWWWWWWMWMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMMM&&K                     WWWWW
                                       K&MMMWWMWWMWMWWWWWWWWWM&MK     KK&&MM&KK          &MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM&&K            &&   WWWWWWWMWW
                                       K&MMWWMMMMWWWWWWWWMWWWMMMK    K&&MMWMMM&K        &MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMM&K             MW   MWWWWWWWMWW
                                       &&MWWMMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMMK   K&WWWWWWWM&&K       KWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMWWWWWWM&&K             WW&K WWWWWWWMMWW
                                       &&WWMMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMW&K   &MWWWWWWWWWWMK       MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMWM&&K             MW WWWWWWWWWW&W&
                                       KMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMWWMM   &WWWWWWWWWM&KKK       MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMMMM&KK             W&MWWWWWWWWWWWW

                        ,..            . , :   ,..: ,,,       .              .           ::,.         ,:  ,          ,        :: ,           ,,  ,        .,
                          ..              ., .,, ..  .        .              ,        .       .   .                ,  .,  ,    . :          :    ,         :
                       :    :,                ...    .        ,          :. . . ,   .            .,.,:              :,     ,       .    .. ,  : ,          .
                           ,  ..                      :..      ,           . .:.                   :                 :     :,   ,  ,      .  ..,:,          :
                            .: .                    :                               .                                  :    . . :: ,..     ,.. .            :
                    ,       ,,                     .  ,                                                                  ,    ., ,,,::    ,,
                            ,,.      ..           ,:  . :                           ,                                          :,.. , . ,:: ,..,            :
                                     ., :.      :                                                                        :.      :...,,::.,    ,           ,:
                    .              .:              ::                                                                     ,       .... . .   ..:.          .::
                                 .                                                                                        :,          : .      .,:. , , .   ,:
:                        .   ,  ..:                                                                                        ,                  .. ,:, ,  ,.,.,
::                     :,       ..,                                                                                        :                       ..  ::.: ,: :
,:                     :.         , :                                                                                       ...     .. ,    ,..,..     ..:, ,:::
,::                    ..    ,,. ,  :,                                                                                        .          .::.:,,.,, .. .... ,::::
.,::                 : .,,    . :.  ,                                                                                         :.  ,.       ,    ,,    . ,.  ,:::::
..,:                  :  ,,     ,: :,                                                                                           , .:.    . :,  ::.:..  . , ,:::::::
 .,,:                   ,,: .    :  ,                                                                                           :    : .:      .,,, ., . . ,:::::::
  .,::                  :. .         ,                                                                                           .  .,. ,    ,    ,. : .    .,:::::
  ..,:                 . .           :                                                                                            .   ,,:  :,, ., .. ,, .      : ::
   .,,:                                                                                          ,.    :                           .   :  :: .,,,               ,::
    ..,:                       .                                                               ,     .    :                            .  ,. ., ,           .    :
    ..,::              :     ...,                   :.                                         ,    :.                               .     ,  :..            ..  , :
      .,::                     ,,.                .   ..                                        :: ..,                               :.        ,.                 ::
      ..,:            :        :.              :         . ,                                                                        :, .   ,.         .       .,,.:
       ..,:                   .:, .:                   ..                                                                            :,.    .   .        .,       :
        .,::                   .  :                                                                                                   :,,,       . .     .  :   .,
         .,::          ,         ,:                                                                                                   ,. ,       ..,        .,   :::
          .,::                                                                                                                                         .    .    .::
          ..,:           ,                                                                                                           ,.               .     ,,   .,:
          ..,,:           ,     ...:                                                                                                .       ,. .,            ,    ,:
            .,,:                . ,                                                                                                  ,  ,:             .         ,::
           . .,,:                 ,                                                                                                                           . ,:,:
          .. ..,,:         .     , .                                                                                                                    ,..   .,.,,::
            . ..,,:      :                                                                                                                                     .,..,::
.        . . ...,,,:     :,,     .                                                                                                                              ...,,:
.         ........,,:::          :  .                                                                                                                    ...     ...,,::

********}}}}}}}}}}}}}} <                ~ } <<*    }   *}  * }    }}<                *                  ~~ }<}*~<               *              <<           <<**}}
********}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<                           <  }}}       *  }                <  ~~*                 *~     * <<          ~          }  ~<~           <<***}}
<******}}}}}}}}}}   }}     ~                          ~** }}    < }<< *      *   }   * *}             ~<*     *  }               ~~         ~< <            ~<<***}}
<******}}}}}}}}} }}}} <                              ~    }   *   ~ <    *        }* *<~          }     }     }*                                             <<<***}}
<*****}*}}}}}}}   }  *                               }~   }  }   *}                  ~*             }*                         ~  <                          ~<<<***}}
<<***}}}}}}}}                 ~                     }}   }* }   }           *                                           <       ~                           ~~~<~<<*}}
<<<***}}}}}}}    } *                                     <                      *~   ~*                                  ~                                   ~~~<<<**}}
~<<***}}}}}}}      *                   ~         } **  < }                                                                                                   ~~~~<<<**}
~<<***}}}}}}       *                 <}          ~~  }                                                                   }                                    ~~~~<<**}}
~~<<**}}}}}        }~             ~<<                                                                                    }           ~               <        ~~~~<<<**}}
 ~<<**}}}} }        ~              ~~ }                                                                                   *         ~                 ~*     ~~~~~~~<***}
  ~<<**}}}          <              **<                                                                                                                        ~ ~~~~<<***}}
  ~~<<**}}                     ~   * ~}                                                                                                                         ~~~~<<**}}
   ~~<**}}          *             **                                                                                         ~                                   ~~~~<<**}
    ~<<**}          }              * ~                                                                                                    ~  ~ *                  ~~~<<**}}
    ~~<<*}}          }            *  <                                                     }  }}*                              ~          <                        ~~<<**}}
     ~<<**}}          <    <      ** ~                                                    }}}}                                      ~    <}~~                      ~~<<**}}
      ~<<**}          *           *}                                                                                            *          ~~                      ~~<<**}}
      ~~<**}}         }            *  }                                                   **<<<}<}}                              <        <                     ~  ~~<<**}}
       ~<<**}}        **             ~} } }}        <*}}}}} }                          }**}  <          }                        }~     }*                         ~~<<**}
        ~<***}}       }<             < <<}                }<***}}                          }    <} ~<    ~ *}                     }~    ~}     ~                  ~~~<<**}}
         ~<**}}       *                <*                     *}*<~*}                           *~        }~*}}                   }<*   < *                       ~ ~<<<**}
          ~<**}}}   } }             ~           <  }<    <}~*      }}                   }             *                            <}   < *~                        ~~<**}}
          ~<<**}}                             < <*     ~  <       }  }                                                             ~    <}~                        ~~<<**}}
           ~<<**}}  } }                       }          ~*}        }                                                              *~   <                          ~~<<**}}
            ~<<**}}}}              <           }                    }                                                              <<~                    ~*      ~~~<<***}
             ~<***}**}}            *                                }                                                             }}<*                              ~~<<**}
              ~<**}}}**~           }                                }                                                              }*<<                             ~~<<**}
              ~~<****}}*~          <                               }}                                                              <<                <              ~~<<*}}
               ~~<***}}**}                                          }                                                              *             <                  ~~<<**}}
                ~~<<**}**<                                          }                                                               }     ~~*<~*}                   ~~<<**}}
                 ~~<*****                                           }             }}                                                  **   *                        ~~<<**}}
                  ~~~<***           }                              }               *                                                  }                              ~~<<**}}
                   ~~~<<<         ~ *                                              }*}                                                }                               ~<<***}
                    ~~~<<          ~~                             }                  }}}                                              }                               ~~<<**}}
                       ~<<        ~                               *                     }                                             }                *                ~<<**}

                      j                                  Uo V   oU                                                                                                jjjjjoooojjjjjjjjj
                                                j        ojjo    VV    oo                 U  o      jVjjooj  j   U                                                 jjjjjoojojjjjjjjj
                 jjj  j                                  o                               j     oo        VUUoj jj oU                                                jjjjjjoojjjjjjjj
                j    j                                   j V V  j  j             o  j    j          jjjj oVooj  V UUo                                                jjjjooojjjjjjjj
               jjj jo                                    o  U Vj          j                           oU  oUo         V                                               jjjjjojjjjjjjj
             jjjjjjo                                       V U V V         U            j              Vojoo       U   U                                              jjjjooooojjjjj
             jjjj j                                 oo    ojojV                o                                   U   Vj                                              jjjjooooojjjj
             jjjjjj                               j     j o                                                         U   o                                              jjjjooooojjjj
            jjjjjjj                    ooU UVoVVo     UoVU                                                              o                                               jjjjjjoojjjj
           jjjjjjjj                  joVoU                                                                              V                                                jjjjjoojjjj
          j jjjjjjjj                 o VoV                                                                      VUUU     V                                               jjjjooojjjj
          jjjjjjjjjj                  oUooU                                                                 U   UUUVU  UVUo                                                jjoooojjj
          jjjjjjjjjjj                  VVVU                                                           UV     U   UUUVVUUVUVj                                              jjjjjoojjo
          jjjjjjjjjj                  jVVVV                                                       VV  UUo   UUUUUVVVUooVVVoVo                                             jjjjjoojjj
          jjjjjjjjjj              o   jVVVVU                                              UUVVUVUU            UUUUooooojVVooVo                o                            jjjjoojjj
           jjjjjjjjjj                 VVVoVU                                            Vjj jj   jVU          UooUUVjoVooVooooV                                            jjjjjojjj
            jjjjjjojjj                ooooVU                                           Ujj    o                  VjoooooooVVVoVo                                           jjjjjojjj
            jjjjjjjojo                jojo  U                                             UUU                    UUVjjoVVoUVoVUo         jj                                jjjjjjjjj
             jjjjjjojo                 ojVU V    UV U UUojooVUUU                      UVoj         ooU         UUU UVVVVVVVoVUUUo        j                                 jjjjjoojj
              jjjjoojj                 o o  ooUUUUoj       j jVU                    Voj    oj jo         jV     UUUUUVVVVUVVUUUUV                                         jjjjjjjojj
               jjjjooj                j   oV            oj       joVUU          UUUVojojoVo j          Uj    jVUUUUUVUVUUU    UUUV                                         jjjjjjjjj
               jjjjojj               jj  oUV      Uj        oV       jo         UVUVoooU jVU                   oUoVVoU   U     UUU       U                                 jjjjjoojj
                 jjj j               VojojoUU Uo                jjj  jjU       UooVVoU     U   U        VU UojVoVVU U          UUUj      V                                 jjjjooojj
                 jjjjo              jooooVUU V      o       j      Uj oU       UojooVV   VoVVVUUUUU        VooVUUoU              Vj                                        jjjjojooj
                  jj j              ooVVVVVUUo jVoV  j        UojjUU jo       UUVjjoojjV                  U  UUU               UVVj      V                                 jjjjojooj
                     jj             ooV UVVVVoV o U               Vj jU        UVoooVVojooVU UU                                UVVo                                        jjjjoojjj
                                    VVUU   UVVjVjV            UVojjj oV    U   VoVVojVUUVoVUU                                  UUo                                         jjjjojooj
                                    VVUU        UU          UUUoVojj oUU       UoooVVoUU                                       U VV                                        jjjoooooj
                                    VVU                         VVo  oVU       UVoooVVVU                                     U UVVV                                        jjjoooooj
                                    VVU                          Vjj oV       UVUoooVVUU                                     UU UVV                                         jjoooooj
                                    UVU                          Vjj jo        VojoooVVUV                                    UUVUVVo             U                          jjjjoooj
                                    VVV                          Vjj V         UVo  VVVUU                                   VoUVUVoUoo    o o          V                    jjjjjjoj
                                     oU                          Vo o           UVj oVVU                                   UUVVVUUVUoo j  UUj                                jjjjjoo
                                     VV                          Vjj             Uo   jo                                   VooVUUUVVoj j    o                                jjjjjjj
                                     oU                          U V              VVo   j                                  UooVUUUUooo j  U                                   jjjjjj
                                     jV                          V V               UUVoj U                                 VooVUUVVjoo o                                      jjjjjj


                            W       WWW
                         KWWWWK    MWWWWM&K&W&&M
                       WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMMM&&&M
                 MMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM&&KK  &
                 K&WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM K &K
                 K&WWWWWWWWWWWWWWM&    WWWWMK
                  KK     KWWWWWW&&        MW&     K
                  MM        KWWM     W         KKKK
                        WM   &&K   K K  KMK   &WM&K
                    MWWW&   K&&K     K&MWWWW&MMWM&K
               KMM&&MMMM&    &&K   &MWWWWWWWWWWWMK
                &MWWWWWWM&  KM&K   KWWWWWWWWWWWW&K       KWW
               KMWWWWWWWWM KWWWMK  KWWWWWWWWWWWW&     &&MWWWW
                WWWWWWWWWW KWWWMKK  WWWWWWWWWWWMK      WWWWW
                KWWWWWWWWM          MWWWWWWWWWW&      MWWMWW
              W  MWWWWWWWMK  K KMK MMWWWWWWWWWMK      WWWWW
              WW KMWWWWWW&M &WWWWM&K&&WWWWWWWM&&      WWWW
              &W  KWWWWWW&&&WWWWWWWWWMWWWWWMWM&M&K
               WM K&WMWWW&MWMMMMMKK K&MWWWWWMKKMK&   &
                  K &&WWM               &WWM& K& K   M
                     &MWW      K&&&  K&WWMMM         MK
                      K&MM  &MMK&&MMMMM&M&K         &&K  M
                         K   &&   K&&&&&K           KKK  WW
                             KKK  KK&&K                  WWW
                              K     K              K    KWWWW
                                                        WWWWMMWMM
                                                       WWWMM&WMKW
                                                      MWMM&&M&&KM

          .     ,::::,      .      : :        ,.       ,, .
           ,.         ,         .  :           , . ,:  .,,    ,
           ,        :           . .             :  :,,.,      :
              :                                     .,,  , .  ,
:       ..   ,                                   ,        .  ,,
,       :.  .                                     , .  ,: ,  ., :
.:        :   :                                    , .. .,,,. : :
 ,       ,    .                                         .,.    .:
  ,      :  .         :,              :                  :      ,
  .:        ,        . ,                             .          .
   .:        .                                        .      ., ,
 .  .:    .                                          .        .
..  .,:   .                                          :          ,
......,   .                                                     ,:
. ...,.,: :  :.                                              ,. .,:
.....,...: :.:                                                    .:
.....,,,.,,:                                                       .
....,,,,,..,.                                                ,,.   .
.....,,,,,.                                           ,,       .   ,
.. ...,,....                                        :  .          ,
,.  ...,....   ,,                    ,,                   :.     .:
 :,   ......              ::                            , . .    ,:
   :,  ....                                               ,     .:
     :.                                                          ,
       ,                                                    :      ,
        :,           .                                        .      ,
          :,           .,                 :
            :.           ,.             ::
              ,.           ..:        :::

***}}}}} ~                        <     ~<** <     ~     <    <*}
***}}}}              ~   *       ~~     *                      <*}
<*}}}}               ~ }       <                               ~<*}
<*}}}                                           }              ~~<*
 <*}}         *                                             ~  ~~<*}
 ~*}         ~~                                          ~     ~ ~*}
  <*}        <                      }                  *       ~ ~<*
  ~<}          }                    }*}}              ~*         ~<*
   ~*}         }}    <  }**               **        < ~~         ~<*
    <*}       <   }~       }                        * ~~         ~<*
     <*}                   }                        *~           ~<*
      <}}<                 }                        *      <     ~<*
       <*}    *            }                          <*         ~<*}
       ~<*    ~                  }                   }            ~*}
         <                }                          }             <*}
          ~   <}          }}*   **                  }}       ~      <}
                                                    }               ~*}
             <  <                                   }               ~*}
                                                   }<<  ~           ~*
                                                                   ~*}
                          }***~<<*}<~  }           }*  *           <*
~                <          }                      ~   }           <*}
**~                                               }<    <         ~<*}}
***<~                                            }<     }  ~      ~<**}}
****<<~             *}                     **}}*<<                  *}}}
******<~              <*}                 *~*<<<}                     *
<<****<<<~               <}            }}< ~~<*                  ~
<<<<<<<*<<~~               <}         }<  ~<**}
~~~~~<<<<<<<~~          < <   <*}  }<~   <**}}}

        j             jjV V         o       j                    jjjjjjj
       jj              oV jU j         o oVooUU                   jjjjjj
      jj                V                                          jjjjj
     jjj       jVVoVjjU                                            jjjjj
     jjo       oV                            VU U                   jjjj
    jjjo       jV                      U U  UVooUo                  jjjj
     jjjj      oo                  o jU      VjoooV                 jjjj
     jjjo       oV  VVojV         Uj    jU   UVoVV j                jjjj
      jjo        U  V      j    UVoVV    j  oVV    U                jjjj
       jo      ooU  U     o U   joU U UU   oVV     U                jjjj
        j     jUUVoo     Uo     ooVVU              V                jjoo
              j          Uj U   oVU               UV                jjoo
               U          j     jjV               VVo   o   V        joo
                          j       j              VoUo                joo
               V                  Vj             jVVo U     j         jo
                             VVj  Vo            VjVo                  jj
             V oo          oV U   V             VoVo j     V           o
                           U                    UUVj j    j            o
                jo                                U                   jo
              j  V                 U              Uj  o               jo
                 V U     j                   U  U V   U              jjo
                  UUV    o   oU    UU       UVUUVUo V                 jj
                  oVoV    UU               UVVVoVV     j               j
                   oojVUU UVU  VVU       UVojojjo  o   o
                      jjoVUUU   UV     UVoo       oUUUUVj
                         joVUU UUUUU UUVjj       oV UVVV     j         j
                           joVUUUUUUUVo        jjVVVVVoo
                        j    joVVVVooo         jooVVVoo          U
                         j       jj            jjooooo           V