“Oh, my God. I do think about death. I just want it to be justified, you know? Like, if I die violently, you know, maybe I have, like, Serena Williams sitting on my face, and…I don’t know, Venus is polishing me off, and they’re trying to fit a racket in my ass or something like that. Then my wife com…”
— Tom Segura, scrapsfromtheloft.com