“I don't have a girlfriend, but I know a woman who would get really angry if she heard me say that.”— Mitch Hedberg, reddit.com
“It's like I tell my daughter, you're going to swipe right on a lot of toads before Prince Charming DM's you out of the blue.”— Trevor , twitter.com
“Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who's not interested.”— Sarcasticsapie, twitter.com
“Your message was sent, received, seen, ignored, screen captured, sent to friends and ridiculed.”— Violet Benson, instagram.com
“Everybody is complaining about their significant other, and I'm over here trying to keep mine charged above 10%.”— Weese Jr, twitter.com
“Relationship or hallucination? I don't care. Either way, I'm seeing somebody.”— Olivia Twiste, twitter.com
“Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub.There's liquor and you can't hear them.”— bᎾᏟᎪ ᏟhᎥᏟ, twitter.com
“Airline just told my GF she has too much baggage & they've only known her a couple of minutes.”— Wood, twitter.com
“My wife doesn't believe that autocorrect changed 'Yes dear' to 'Hell no I'm not picking your mother up from the airport at 1am.'”— Kent Graha, twitter.com
“Introducing myself to new boyfriend's parents: Hi, I usually don't make it this far.”— Amanda Hugnkis, twitter.com
“Once a girl who is an only child commits to you, she’s FULLY committed. She will be the most attentive, invested girlfriend you’ve ever had. Only children are often a little OCD and get hyper-excited/obsessed with things, and this will absolutely translate into how much they show that they care abou…”— Kendra Syrdal, thoughtcatalog.com
“If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?”— Daniel Jones, nytimes.com
“If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?”— Daniel Jones, nytimes.com