“Do you see links to love quotes or love songs in their Facebook or Twitter updates?”— Vanessa Tan, wikiyeah.com
“I feel like that will only change when the way people view writing on the internet period changes. ‘Sad Girl Twitter’ and Alt-Lit exist because they are types of writing that only exist on the internet and are only popular because of the internet. And for somebody like Jonathan Franzen who denies th…”— Mira Gonzalez, thecreativeindependent.com
“I will issue a lifetime ban against senior executive branch officials lobbying on behalf of a FOREIGN GOVERNMENT!”— Donald Trump, twitter.com
“We cannot take four more years of Barack Obama and that’s what you’ll get if you vote for Hillary. #BigLeagueTruth”— Donald Trump, twitter.com
“Just returned from Pennsylvania where we will be bringing back their jobs. Amazing crowd. Will be going back tomorrow, to Gettysburg!”— Donald Trump, twitter.com
“Well, Iran has done it again. Taken two of our people and asking for a fortune for their release. This doesn't happen if I'm president!”— Donald Trump, twitter.com
“ME: bae, you wanna go out? HER: hell yeah ME: ok pliz close the door on your way out I need to play FIFA alone.”— Talib Jim, twitter.com
“I like Triscuits because sometimes you just want to eat a wicker basket.”— Julia Claire, twitter.com
“The worst part about getting kidnapped would be when the news told everyone your real height and weight.”— Casey Duncan, twitter.com
“I want my ashes scattered when I die.I don't like people visiting me now.... I'll be damned if I want visitors when I'm dead.”— UnapologeticCanadian, twitter.com
“NASA: what makes u qualified for our mission to mars? ME: i desperately want to be shot into deep space, where there are definitely no geese”— lil gory lovitz , twitter.com
“A zendetta is when you launch a blood feud against a killer who murdered your entire family, but remain pretty chill about the whole thing.”— Frank Whitehouse, twitter.com
“[being chased round my house by a murderer] ME: PLEASE STOP THIS IS SENSELESS MURDERER: What? ME: [puts Fitbit on] Ok carry on”— Jon, twitter.com
“'Here you go body some nutritious food, how bout some energy?' Body: 'I shall make this into nose hair'”— XS Flea Baggage, twitter.com
“[1st day undercover] Me: [to gang of street punks] what up dongs? Voice through earpiece: OMG its DAWGS u idiot Me: is ur gang hiring today?”— GoaT FacE, twitter.com
“Got out of the car and dropped my keys in the gutter. They landed next to my mind, which I thought I'd lost.”— Jaxon/Jaxoff, twitter.com
“I like to stand next to a stranger on the elevator and whisper, 'I read what you said on the internet.'”— antisocialsocialist, twitter.com
“Cop: GET DOWN ON THE GROUND Me: I didn't do... Cop:*cuffing me* Dispatch, we have a creepy clown in custody Me: These are my regular clothes”— Tim, twitter.com
“Someone knocked at my door asking if I would like to donate to the children's home so I just chucked him a few kids”— ♛EmMama♛, twitter.com