Quote
Catalog

Quotes tagged ‘Anti-Jokes’

(68 total)

How many Catholic priests does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one usually, unless perhaps it’s high up and somebody else is needed to hold the ladder steady.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Why couldn’t Helen Keller screw in a lightbulb? Because she’s dead.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What is the resemblance between a green apple and a red apple? They’re both red, except for the green one.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Two soldiers are in a tank. One looks at the other and says, ‘BLUBLUBBLUBLUBBLUB.’

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

You know it’s cold when you go outside and it’s cold.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

‘Doctor, Doctor. I feel like a pair of curtains.’ ‘That’s the least of your worries. You’re HIV-positive.’

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Why did the mushroom go to the party? It didn’t. Do you know why? Because it’s a fucking mushroom.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Why was the boy crying? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

A Christian, a Jew and a Muslim walk into a bar. After a nice evening, they all leave with a deeper appreciation for each other’s religions.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

If there are three apples, and Johnny takes away three of them, how many apples does Johnny have? None, because Johnny got hit by a train.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

What’s meaner than taking candy from a baby? Throwing the baby off a cliff.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

How do you get two whales in a car? You can’t. Whales are enormous creatures and will not fit in something as relatively small as a car.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, ‘So what will it be this time?’ The penguin doesn’t answer because it’s a penguin.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

If Dave has 50 chocolate bars and eats 45, what does he have left? Diabetes. Dave has diabetes.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have Alzheimer’s, cheese on toast.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, ‘It’s dark in here, isn’t it?’ The other blonde was dead so she could not respond.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

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