Quote
Catalog

Quotes tagged ‘Dirty Jokes’

(58 total)

Let's put the 'ass' back in Christm-ass.

— Scott Moore, Jon Lucas, Carla Dunkler, Kathryn Hahn, imdb.com

Betty, you will not believe who just propositioned me in the bathroom. Give you a hint: His name may be Moose, but I'd describe a certain appendage of his as horse-like.

— Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, Kevin Keller, Casey Cott, imdb.com

Wanna hear a joke about my dick? Never mind. It’s too long.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What does it mean if a man remembers the color of a woman’s eyes after a first date? She’s got small tits.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What’s the best way to respond when a girl asks, ‘What’s up’? ‘If I tell you, will you sit on it?’

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato? A dictator.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Why did Jesus die a virgin? Every single ‘wound’ he touched closed up.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party...except you.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What’s the square root of 69? Ate something.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? A glad-he-ate-her.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? A glad-he-ate-her.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

How are women like linoleum floors? If you lay ’em right the first time, you can walk all over them for the next 20 years or so.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

When is it OK to beat up a dwarf? When he’s standing next your girlfriend saying that her hair smells nice.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What’s the difference between a clitoris and a cell phone? Nothing! Every cunt’s got one.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What do you do when your cat’s dead? Play with the neighbor’s pussy instead.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Why did the semen cross the road? Because you wore the wrong socks today.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn’t budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What does a dumb slut say when you ask if she’s ever tried 69? ‘Thirty dudes is the most I can screw in one night.’

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? Thanks for coming!

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

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