“Let's put the 'ass' back in Christm-ass.”— Scott Moore, Jon Lucas, Carla Dunkler, Kathryn Hahn, imdb.com
“Betty, you will not believe who just propositioned me in the bathroom. Give you a hint: His name may be Moose, but I'd describe a certain appendage of his as horse-like.”— Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, Kevin Keller, Casey Cott, imdb.com
“What does it mean if a man remembers the color of a woman’s eyes after a first date? She’s got small tits.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com
“What’s the best way to respond when a girl asks, ‘What’s up’? ‘If I tell you, will you sit on it?’”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com
“How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com
“Why did Jesus die a virgin? Every single ‘wound’ he touched closed up.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com
“What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party...except you.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com
“What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? A glad-he-ate-her.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com
“What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? A glad-he-ate-her.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com
“How are women like linoleum floors? If you lay ’em right the first time, you can walk all over them for the next 20 years or so.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com
“When is it OK to beat up a dwarf? When he’s standing next your girlfriend saying that her hair smells nice.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com
“What’s the difference between a clitoris and a cell phone? Nothing! Every cunt’s got one.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com
“What do you do when your cat’s dead? Play with the neighbor’s pussy instead.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com
“Why did the semen cross the road? Because you wore the wrong socks today.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com
“Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn’t budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com
“What does a dumb slut say when you ask if she’s ever tried 69? ‘Thirty dudes is the most I can screw in one night.’”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com
“What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? Thanks for coming!”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com