18 Amy Schumer Quotes That Prove She's Much More Than Just A Funny Girl With The Lower Back Tattoo

18 quotes

There is nothing better than being your own boss. Well, there is, actually: not having to work at all. 

“He said he loved me, but every step of the way he’d hurt and sabotage me. I realized later that he put me down so much because he was probably terrified that I’d realize he was nothing and leave him. Which is exactly what I did.”

— Amy Schumer, amazon.com

Tagged: Love, Toxic, Toxic Relationships

“Isn’t it sad that when a girl says she was sexually assaulted, our first instinct is to think she’s probably lying? Statistics and facts tell us the exact opposite. We demand ‘perfect victims’ who better not have been drinking or hanging out at a party in a short skirt or revealing dress or have eve…”

— Amy Schumer, amazon.com

Tagged: Sexual Assault, Rape, Slut Shaming

“When you get older and wiser, you get your confidence from within, not from the person you are having sex with.”

— Amy Schumer, amazon.com

Tagged: Sex, Confidence, Getting Older, Age

“I’m mad because girls as young as eight years old are being shamed about their bodies. Fifth graders go on diets and admire Instagram pics of celebs in waist trainers. Some of the people I’m closest to have struggled with eating disorders. I’m mad at an industry that suggests that painfully thin is…”

— Amy Schumer, amazon.com

Tagged: Body Image, Negative Body Image, Women's Magazines

“I don’t know how introverts survived without the Internet. Or with the Internet. Actually, I don’t know how we survive at all. It feels impossible.”

— Amy Schumer, amazon.com

Tagged: Introverts, Internet

“You become a woman the first time you fart in front of a boyfriend. The first time your heart breaks. The first time you break someone else’s heart. The first time someone you love dies. The first time you lie and make yourself look bad so a friend you love can look better. And less dramatic things…”

— Amy Schumer, amazon.com

Tagged: Becoming A Woman, first, Sex

“Beauty comes in many forms!”

— Amy Schumer, amazon.com

Tagged: beauty, Many Forms

“There is nothing better than being your own boss. Well, there is, actually: not having to work at all. That is way better.”

— Amy Schumer, amazon.com

Tagged: Work, No Boss, 9-5 Lifestyle

“When you have a sick parent, you can’t help but think of the end. Like literally, the final moments of life come to mind when I begin to love someone. I think, Will this dude push my wheelchair? And even scarier, Would I be willing to push his?”

— Amy Schumer, amazon.com

Tagged: Sick Parents, Love, real love

“There are lots of ‘firsts’ like this in life, little flashpoints here and there when you’re unknowingly becoming a woman.”

— Amy Schumer, amazon.com

Tagged: Fashpoints, Firsts, Becoming A Woman

“I look at the saddest things in life and laugh at how awful they are, because they are hilarious and it’s all we can do with moments that are painful.”

— Amy Schumer, amazon.com

Tagged: Pain, Sad Things, laugh, Painful, humor

“The saddest realization I’ve had in my life is that my parents are people. Sad, human people. I aged a decade in that moment.”

— Amy Schumer, amazon.com

Tagged: Aging, Getting Old, Parents

“So if you’re an introvert like me, especially a female introvert, or a person who is expected to give away your energy to everyone else on the reg, I want to encourage you to find time to be alone. Don’t be afraid to excuse yourself. Recharge for as long as you need. Lean up against a tree and take…”

— Amy Schumer, amazon.com

Tagged: Introverts, Female Introverts, Save Your Energy, Recharge

“Social media is a great tool for all of us introverts and decent people alike as it speeds up the time between thinking someone is great and realizing they’re the worst.”

— Amy Schumer, amazon.com

Tagged: Social Media, Introverts

“I don’t even want to know someone who isn’t barely hanging on by a thread.”

— Amy Schumer, amazon.com

Tagged: Hanging On

“Women are always expected to be the gracious hostess, quick with an anecdote and a sprinkling of laughter at others’ stories. We are always the ones who have to smooth over all the awkward moments in life with soul-crushing pleasantries. We are basically unpaid geishas. But when we do not fulfill th…”

— Amy Schumer, amazon.com

Tagged: gender, Women

“Being an introvert doesn’t mean you’re shy. It means you enjoy being alone. Not just enjoy it— you need it. If you’re a true introvert, other people are basically energy vampires. You don’t hate them; you just have to be strategic about when you expose yourself to them— like the sun.”

— Amy Schumer, amazon.com

Tagged: Introvert, Being An Introvert, Power of Introverts

“We all know one-night stands aren’t cure-alls for broken hearts and low self-esteem. That shit can backfire hard. We’ve all tried some form of remedy by way of sex and wound up feeling even more alone and running back to whatever dickface we’d just found the strength to leave.”

— Amy Schumer, amazon.com

Tagged: One Night Stands, Self-Esteem, Sex, Dick Boyfriends