4:00, wallow in self-pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one; 5:30, jazzercize; 6:30, dinner with me—I can't cancel that again; 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing... I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9, I could still be done in time to lay in bed,…
Catalog
Jeffrey Price
All right, you're a reindeer. Here's your motivation: Your name is Rudolph, you're a freak with a red nose, and no one likes you. Then, one day, Santa picks you and you save Christmas. No, forget that part. We'll improvise... just keep it kind of loosey-goosey. You HATE Christmas! You're gonna steal…
It came without ribbons, it came without tags. It came without packages, boxes, or bags. Maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas (the thought) means a little bit more.
Blast this Christmas music. It’s joyful and triumphant.
Eddie Valiant: Nobody's gonna drive this lousy freeway when they can take the Red Car for a nickel. Judge Doom: Oh, they'll drive. They'll have to. You see, I bought the Red Car so I could dismantle it.
Jessica Rabbit: Oh, Honey Bunny! Roger Rabbit: Oh, Love Cup. Jessica Rabbit: Oh, Roger! You were a pillar of strength.
Scotch on the rocks... and I MEAN ICE!
P-p-please, Eddie. You know there's no justice for toons anymore. If the weasels get their hands on me, I'm as good as dipped.
Is there nothing that can permeate that impervious puss?
Here's to the pencil pushers. May they all get lead poisoning.
Eddie Valiant: Say, Roger. That letter you wrote to your wife at the Ink and Paint Club? Why don't you read it to her now? Roger Rabbit: Sure thing, Eddie. "Dear Jessica: How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I, Marvin Acme, of sound mind and body...? It's the will! Eddie Valiant: Keep reading.…
Eddie Valiant: Seriously, what do you see in that guy? Jessica Rabbit: He makes me laugh.
We were investigating a robbery at the First National Bank of Toontown. Back in those days, me and Teddy liked working Toontown, thought it was a lot of laughs. Anyway, this guy got away with a zillion simoleons. We trailed him to a little dive down on Yukster Street. We went in. Only he got the…
Mickey Mouse: Gosh, I wonder who he really was? Bugs Bunny: I'll tell you one thing, Doc. He weren't no rabbit. Daffy Duck: Or a duck. Goofy: Or a dog. Pinocchio: Or a little wooden boy. Big Bad Wolf: Or a... sheep. Woody Woodpecker: Or a woodpecker.
C'mon Roger, let's go home. I'll bake you a carrot cake.
That lame-brained freeway idea could only be cooked up by a Toon.
Eddie Valiant: You mean you could've taken your hand out of that cuff at any time? Roger Rabbit: No, not at any time, only when it was funny.
Roger Rabbit: Okay, nobody move! All right, you weasels, grab some sky or I let the judge have it. You heard me, I said drop it! Jessica Rabbit: Roger, darling! Roger Rabbit: That's right, my dear. I'd love to embrace you, but first, I have to satisfy my sense of moral outrage.
Roger Rabbit: Yeah. Check the probate. Why, my Uncle Thumper had a problem with HIS probate, and he had to take these big pills, and drink lots of water. Eddie Valiant: Not prostate, you idiot, PROBATE!
Eddie Valiant: You crazy rabbit! I'm out there risking my neck for you, and what are you doing? Singing and dancing! Roger Rabbit: But I'm a toon. Toons are supposed to make people laugh.