“[Doug ordering from the Honker Burger for the first time] Doug: Hi, I'd like three double cheeseburgers, one all the way, one no pickles, one no onions, a fish sandwich, four large fries and four grape sodas. Honker Burger Lady: What on Earth are you trying to say? Doug: What do you mean? Honker…”
“Mr. Funnie: Look out, Bluffington, the Funnie family has arrived! [The population sign changes to 20,001 people.] Doug: Population 20,001. I guess the one is... me!”
“Mr. Dink: Do you remember the first time I asked you to dance? Mrs. Dink: Yes, dear. Mr. Dink: And do you remember what you said? Mrs. Dink: Yes. 'Go away and leave me alone.' Mr. Dink: Oh, you do remember! But you finally said 'yes' at our senior prom! As I recall, I swept you right off your feet.…”
“Roger: Trying on your costume for the big dance tonight? What are you? A pile of manure?! Doug: I'm a slug.”
“Roger: [holds up a pair of polka-dot briefs] Here, Funnie, put these on. Doug: No thanks, Roger. I'm wearing my own underwear.”
“Doug: [looking at Patti's painting] Maybe if you put a little more snow on top, and a couple more trees... Patti: Huh?? Doug: ...Or you can leave the trees off if you want. It's a perfectly beautiful mountain just like it is. Patti: I-I-it's not a mountain, Doug. It's my grandmother! Doug: Huh?…”
“[Roger, who has a crush on Judy, is planning to re-enact the famous balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet.] Roger: [about to climb ladder to the window] It is the sun! And... and... Judy is the East! Doug: Psst! Roger... Roger! Roger: [climbing ladder] It is my lady! O, it is my love! O, that she knew…”
“Skeeter: What's going on in there Doug? Doug: [peers through Beebe's window to see Porckhop and the girls doing the limbo] You wouldn't believe me if I told you.”
“Doug Funnie: [narrating] Somewhere around the eight drum solo, I realized I wasn't having fun anymore.”