As I am sure you know, when people say 'It's my pleasure,' they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less.'
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Lemony Snicket
Lemony Snicket is the pen name of American novelist Daniel Handler (born February 28, 1970). Snicket is the author of several children's books, also serving as the narrator of A Series of Unfortunate Events (his best-known work) and a character within it and All the Wrong Questions. Because of this, the name "Lemony Snicket" may refer to either the fictional character or the real person. As a character, Snicket is a harried, troubled writer and photographer falsely accused of felonies, and is continuously hunted by the police and his enemies, the fire-starting side of the secret organization Volunteer Fire Department (V.F.D.). As a child, he was kidnapped and inducted as a "neophyte" into V.F.D., where he was trained in rhetoric and sent on seemingly pointless missions, while all connections were severed from his former life, apart from his siblings Jacques and Kit (who were also kidnapped and inducted). In the organization, he met and fell in love with a peer named Beatrice, whom he eventually decided to marry. He was falsely accused of murder and arson after a series of unfortunate events (after which the real-world series is in some ways named). Eventually, the fallacies grew so much that The Daily Punctilio reported his death. Beatrice eventually moved on and married Bertrand Baudelaire, becoming the mother of Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire, the protagonists of A Series of Unfortunate Events. Fourteen years thereafter, Beatrice and Bertrand were murdered in a house fire, leaving the Baudelaires orphan
Stealing, of course, is a crime, and a very impolite thing to do. But like most impolite things, it is excusable under certain circumstances. Stealing is not excusable if, for instance, you are in a museum and you decide that a certain painting would look better in your house, and you simply grab…
The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught.
A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is very tall and the surrounding area has been flooded.
It is likely I will die next to a pile of things I was meaning to read.
A man of my acquaintance once wrote a poem called 'The Road Less Traveled', describing a journey he took through the woods along a path most travelers never used. The poet found that the road less traveled was peaceful but quite lonely, and he was probably a bit nervous as he went along, because if…
Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so.
No matter who you are, no matter where you live, and no matter how many people are chasing you, what you don't read is often as important as what you do read.
Taking one’s chances is like taking a bath, because sometimes you end up feeling comfortable and warm, and sometimes there is something terrible lurking around that you cannot see until it is too late and you can do nothing else but scream and cling to a plastic duck.
The moral of Snow White is never eat apples.
I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but first impressions are often entirely wrong.
It is difficult, when faced with a situation you cannot control, to admit you can do nothing.
If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a pleasant and hopeful voice, 'Well this isn't too bad, I don't have a left arm anymore but at least nobody will ever ask me if I'm left-handed or right-handed,' but most of us would say something more along the lines of,…
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
If you are a student you should always get a good nights sleep unless you have come to the good part of your book, and then you should stay up all night and let your schoolwork fall by the wayside, a phrase which means 'flunk'.
A good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.
Well-read people are less likely to be evil.
Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily.
Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.
All the secrets of the world are contained in books. Read at your own risk.