I don't really know how to do things half-measures.
Catalog
Melissa Broder
My fear among people is that I will be judged for revealing what is going on inside me. I fear others will discover that I am not only imperfect; I'm not even okay. I fear that I truly am not okay.
Like, what if you found out I am really not okay? What if you knew that I am suffering a lot right now and really scared? Would you flee? I don't want to find out.
Good morning! Everything is shit! Time to act impulsively. But first let's start by getting into imaginary fights with people from the past. Next let's catalog everything that's wrong with you and your life. Also, I want to remind you of everything you don't have—and everything you should be scared…
Is anything more bullshit, kale-eating, juice-fasting contemporary American than the notion of self-love? "Be gentle with yourself, you deserve it." Do I really?
You are scared of containing multitudes. Why does it have to be all or nothing? Why are you just straight up good or straight up evil? What if you're a lovable douchebag? What if you are a heavenly asshole? What if you are a destructive beautiful person?
I'm trying to quit getting high on people.
The truth is, distance and unavailability—flecked with short-lived, gorgeous IRL binges—were what made the drug-person so intoxicating. I wanted more of the drug-person than could ever be available. When I didn’t get a text, I was, as junkies say, sick. When I received a text it made me well. But it…