“Hey everyone I'm Julius Pepperwood, ex-cop, ex-marine...I'm from Chicago. Thin crust…”

“Look at that font! What is this? Amateur hour? At least use Palatino.”

“I don’t celebrate Christmas. Or, as I like to call it, ‘White Anglo Saxon Winter Privilege…”

“Know this: your caveman ideas about manhood are so over. Manhood today is about…”