“You should never eat when you're on the toilet. "But I'm lactose-intolerant, and I've…”

“Don't you love it when people in school are like, "I'm a bad test taker?" You mean, you're…”

“Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a…”

“I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having another man around the…”