“Are you part of the conspiracy? Are you all doing this because you think l'm chubby? My doctor says l retain water like a pregnant woman in a humid climate, which is a real condition.”
More from David Caspe
“It's better to be memorable than boring.”
“Hey, forgetti and meatballs, Jason Bourne called, and he says he remembers more stuff than…”
“Ghosts are real. Just like warlocks and doulas.”
“Okay, as someone who's dated enough gay guys to earn the nickname 'will she ever learn?,'…”