“Even I think rollerblades are gay, and I had sex with a dude last night.”Tagged: Rollerblades, Sex, Men, gay
“Are you part of the conspiracy? Are you all doing this because you think l'm chubby? My doctor says l retain water like a pregnant woman in a humid climate, which is a real condition.”Tagged: pregnant, fat, chubby, Water, Medical Condition
“Max: [acting as a tour guide with his limo] Welcome to Chicago! Now here's a fun fact. Chicago was originally nicknamed the Window City, but another city had that nickname first, so, thanks a lot, Omaha! Tourist: Really? That doesn't sound right.”Tagged: Tourist, fake, Windy City, Lies, Tourism
“I'm sorry, I like to call celebrities by the name they prefer: Bobby De Niro, Sandy Bullock, Eddie Jimmy Olmos.”Tagged: Celebrities, Names, Nicknames
“Anyway, there are two types of guys in this world -- one guy who makes a detailed calendar of everything they're gonna do for the next five years of their life, and then the other guy, who draws weird penises on said calendar just to piss calendar guy off.”Tagged: Extended Metaphor Example, calendar, joke
“Avi: Please, don't touch me! I'll explode like a water bottle on a cross country flight to Albuquerque. Max: Where's that flight from? Avi: JFK.”Tagged: Water Bottle, flights, Personal Space
“You know what I was thinking about? If Mary Tyler Moore married and then divorced Steven Tyler, then married and divorced Michael Moore, then got into a three-way lesbian marriage with Demi Moore and Mandy Moore, would she go by the name Mary Tyler Moore Tyler Moore Moore Moore? Hm.”Tagged: Inception, Marriage, Divorce, Moore
“Max: You should watch the gay history channel. Dave: That's a thing? Derrick: Yeah, it's called Bravo.”Tagged: gay, History Channel, Bravo
“You wanted me to be happy? I almost was, and then you ruined it. So if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go home, hard-boil an egg, and eat it on the toilet. L'Chaim.”Tagged: Happy, ruin, upset