“Oh, you think you're so special because you get to play Picture Pages up there? Well, my five year old daughter could do that and let me tell you, she's not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed.”
More from Diablo Cody
“Love conquers all. Have you not seen The Graduate?”
“Tara: Kate! I did not raise you to let boys who wear pigtails push you around. Benjamin…”
“What if I want to pray the gay to stay?”
“I wonder if the baby's claws could scratch your vag on the way out?”