“Son, you don't have bad luck. The reason that bad things happen to you ... is because you're a dumbass. Now fix it.”
More from Jeff Filgo
“You kids switch partners more than square dancers!”
“Oh, would you stop! Luke Skywalker this, Luke Skywalker that, I'm sick and tired of…”
“So you're too proud to take her back? And what do you have to be so proud of? You're not…”
“Donna: I love you, Eric. Eric: I love... cake.”