“Oscar: Have you ever been on a date before, Mark?
Mark: I was failing math once, and the teacher made a smart girl come over and tutor me, and she was wearing a tight shirt, and I got a boner. Does that count?”
More from Matt Hubbard
“Well, sometimes I blamed you for being in the way of me becoming this hypothetical…”
“You weren't the problem. I was. It was just a lot easier to blame you.”
“If dead people get hangovers, I'm fucked.”
“The only person you ever cared about is yourself.”