“I don't have a 401(K), so as of now, my retirement plan is to overdose on drugs.”
More from Matt Ingebretson
“Yeah. I think the fonts are fine. My big note is that this - is a war crime”
“I majored in English, and that should be illegal.”
“You wouldn't tell Shakespeare how to write a sonnet, and you don't tell a social media…”
“I want to have a hot body 'cause I'm tired of developing my personality.”