“Max Black: Hi, ready to order?

Girl #1: Do you have anything that's really special?

Max Black: Not according to my high school guidance counselor.

Girl #2: I'll have the veggie plate, but instead of beats I want kale and instead of broccoli more kale. I want the veggies steamed and instead of dressing I want lemons. Don't you need to write this down?

Max Black: I'm afraid if I start writing that down it'll turn into a suicide note.”