“We have come up with a list of all the things we would like to change once the vampires are in charge.

I'd like to see the construction of a huge opaque dome the size of the city, covering the city, and blocking out all sunlight. No noise during daylight hours. All local churches to destroy their crucifixes. A total ban on turtlenecks. A vampire-only television channel.

I would like for me, personally, my favorite comedy, Priests Falling Over. Free but compulsory harpsichord concerts every day of the week. We would have nun-free zones with a sign that says: ‘No Nuns.No Nuns. None.’”