“I always assumed that I would spend the perimenopausal years of my life living alone in an…”

“I've wasted so much time and energy and money, for what? For what?! You know? I'm fat. I'm…”

“I know, everything is either, like a big Indiana Walmart sack, or it's, like, some cutesy…”

“Kids are like mice on a glue trap, squealing and shitting until you drown them.”