“Chris Griffin: Hey, Dad, are you busy? I was thinking we could spend some time together.
Peter Griffin: Okay, are you a television set of the Internet?
Chris Griffin: No.
Peter Griffin: Oh, then no.”
More from Shawn Reis
“Lois Griffin: Oh no, Stewie's havin' a tantrum. Come here, sweetie. [Stewie bites her…”
“Tough guy: Smells like this guy's already wet himself. Peter Griffin: Don't flatter…”
“[When Brian was texting while driving] You know, that was a stroller, not a speed bump.”
“You can't get a boner! You're a failure as a man and a father!”