"This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of ve..." — Tim Vine

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This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, ‘I want you to trace someone for me.'

— Tim Vine

50 of Tim Vine’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners

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Tim: I'm quite good with angst and tragedy. Lee: You grew up in a cul-de-sac in Henley,…

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My next-door neighbor worships exhaust pipes. He’s a Catholic converter.

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You know, I’m not very good at magic—I can only do half of a trick. I’m a member of the…

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I went in to a pet shop. I said, ‘Can I buy a goldfish?’ The guy said, ‘Do you want an…

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