“Emojis are little cartoons you text instead of words. Instead of saying, ‘What up, boo?’ you can type ‘What up’ and then a cute little ghost because that means boo. There’s even a little Indian guy, but he has a turban on, which I think is racist. But the Asian guy also has a racist hat on. And it’s like, hold up didn’t Japanese people invent this?!”
More from Tom Haverford
“Sometimes you gotta work a little so you can ball a lot.”
“I'm gonna buy some sweat pants and a Nicholas Sparks novel. Might as well lean into it.”
“Treat Yo Self!”
“'Zerts are what I call desserts. Tray-trays are entrees. I call sandwiches sammies,…”