“I have never taken the high road. But I tell other people to ‘cause then there’s more room for me on the low road.”
More from Tom Haverford
“Sometimes you gotta work a little so you can ball a lot.”
“I'm gonna buy some sweat pants and a Nicholas Sparks novel. Might as well lean into it.”
“Treat Yo Self!”
“'Zerts are what I call desserts. Tray-trays are entrees. I call sandwiches sammies,…”