“I think the fattest thing you can do is probably eat another fat person, right? Like, if you’re fat and you see another fat guy, and you’re like, that guy looks delicious, you’re super fat.”
More from Tom Segura
“So, I’m naked. I’m in the fetal position. [My doctor] lubes up. It is a ton of lube. I…”
“It was a Catholic school, and on Wednesdays, they had Mass. So picture, you’re a new…”
“Masturbating is important, you know? You appreciate it more when you’re a parent. I look…”
“I support building a wall if it’s around the state of Louisiana because those people are…”