“I’m a doctor and every time I perform a life-saving surgery, someone bursts into tears and shouts ‘Thank God!’ How Christian is it to take all the fucking credit?”
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“It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.”
“When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.”
“What do you say to a drunk who walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck? You…”
“Why didn’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.”