30 Sinfully Hilarious Religious Jokes And Puns

“Why doesn’t God ever answer your emails? He’s more into knee-mail.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“I’m a doctor and every time I perform a life-saving surgery, someone bursts into tears and shouts ‘Thank God!’ How Christian is it to take all the fucking credit?”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“How many religious people does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just sit in the dark and demand you accept that the light is still on.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“Why did God make Adam before Eve? To give Adam a chance to speak.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“Science flies people to the moon. Religion flies people into buildings.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“God impregnated a woman without her consent. Isn’t that kind of worse than rape?”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“If God were a vehicle, what kind of vehicle would he be? An ice cream truck, because he brings joy to those who discover Him, but people who follow Him too closely are usually pedophiles.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike, until I realized the Lord doesn’t work that way. So I stole one and asked Him to forgive me instead.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“A friend of mine was a junkie until he found God. The day he overdosed, of course.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“The first commandment states: ‘I am the Lord thy God. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.’ But two of the seven deadly sins are vanity and envy. Fucking Hypocrite!”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“What does God call his nose? God knows.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“Why did God make man before He made woman? Because He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“According to the Bible, God killed 2,391,421 people and Satan only killed 10. Anyone else think we might be following the wrong guy?”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“God used to create universes and flood the entire Earth. Now he appears on toast. Anyone else less than impressed with the Almighty’s recent behavior?”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“If God is everywhere always...he’s spending a lot of time hanging out in strip joints. Filthy bastard!”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“How do you teach a bunch of kids about God—who He is, and what He does? Gather them all in a classroom. Then never show up.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“I may not be perfect, but Jesus thinks I’m to die for.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“If God really made everything....He’s Chinese, right?”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“Why is it that when you talk to God, it’s called praying? Whenever God talks to me, they call it schizophrenia.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“They say that when you die you become closer to God. Because you no longer fucking exist, right?”

— Unknown, tcat.tc