“Why doesn’t God ever answer your emails? He’s more into knee-mail.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: God, Email, Puns
“I’m a doctor and every time I perform a life-saving surgery, someone bursts into tears and shouts ‘Thank God!’ How Christian is it to take all the fucking credit?”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: doctor, Surgery, Christian, Religion
“How many religious people does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just sit in the dark and demand you accept that the light is still on.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: Lightbulbs, Religion, Light, dark
“Why did God make Adam before Eve? To give Adam a chance to speak.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: God, adam, eve
“Science flies people to the moon. Religion flies people into buildings.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: Science, Moon, Religion
“God impregnated a woman without her consent. Isn’t that kind of worse than rape?”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: Pregnancy, God, Religion, Rape
“If God were a vehicle, what kind of vehicle would he be? An ice cream truck, because he brings joy to those who discover Him, but people who follow Him too closely are usually pedophiles.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: God, ice cream, Pedophiles
“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike, until I realized the Lord doesn’t work that way. So I stole one and asked Him to forgive me instead.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: prayer, God
“A friend of mine was a junkie until he found God. The day he overdosed, of course.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: Junkie, Overdose, God
“The first commandment states: ‘I am the Lord thy God. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.’ But two of the seven deadly sins are vanity and envy. Fucking Hypocrite!”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: Ten Commandments, Envy, Hypocrisy, Seven Deadly Sins
“Why did God make man before He made woman? Because He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: God, Religion, Creation, Advice
“According to the Bible, God killed 2,391,421 people and Satan only killed 10. Anyone else think we might be following the wrong guy?”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: Bible, God, satan
“God used to create universes and flood the entire Earth. Now he appears on toast. Anyone else less than impressed with the Almighty’s recent behavior?”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: God, Universe
“If God is everywhere always...he’s spending a lot of time hanging out in strip joints. Filthy bastard!”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: God, Strip Clubs, Bastard
“How do you teach a bunch of kids about God—who He is, and what He does? Gather them all in a classroom. Then never show up.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: God, Classroom, Teachers, Religion
“If God really made everything....He’s Chinese, right?”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: God, Chinese, Manufacturing
“Why is it that when you talk to God, it’s called praying? Whenever God talks to me, they call it schizophrenia.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: God, prayer, Schizophrenia
“They say that when you die you become closer to God. Because you no longer fucking exist, right?”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: God, Death