“God, doctors are just drug dealers with their finger up your ass, aren't they?”— Sudi Green, Gabe, John Cameron Mitchell, imdb.com
“Okay, if there's one thing a Jewish girl knows, it's when to see a doctor.”— Amy Sherman-Palladino, Miriam “Midge” Maisel, Rachel Brosnahan, imdb.com
“Julia Montague: How long were you in the Army? David Budd: Ten years. Julia Montague: Is that what you always wanted to do? David Budd: You'll probably laugh, but when I was in school I wanted to be a doctor.”— Jed Mercurio, David Budd, Richard Madden, imdb.com
“To learn about this doctor, John Sassall, was really inspiring.”— Anders Frithiof August, Delft, Ole Lemmeke, imdb.com
“If you must pay money, better to a doctor than an undertaker.”— Julian Fellowes, Andy Goddard, Mrs. Patmore, Lesley Nicol, imdb.com
“Felix's Wife: Dr. Connors. I want to thank you for fixing Felix's back. He can even help around the house again. Phil: I'm sorry to hear that, Felix.”— Danny Rubin, Harold Ramis, Phil Connors, Bill Murray, imdb.com
“I don't trust a doctor who can hardly speak English.”— Francis Ford Coppola, Mario Puzo, Hyman Roth, Lee Strasberg, imdb.com
“I gotta check out my penis, I have to go to the doctor now? That's going to be a lot of fun; 'Where'd you get the rash?' 'Oh, I stuck a doll's head down my pants, Doctor. It feels good to me!'”— Larry David, Larry David, Larry David, imdb.com
“Hello, I had sex with my uncle when I was 12. He lived in Great Neck, he was a doctor. An osteopath--I don't even know what they do, but I know they're doctors. Something to do with muscles, I think. Neither here nor there.”— Larry David, Larry David, Larry David, imdb.com
“Harvey: Nobody does anything as a courtesy. They sent you where they want you to look. Listen, being a lawyer is a lot like being a doctor. Mike: You mean how you don't get emotional about a client? Harvey: No, I mean you keep pressing until it hurts. Then you know where to look.”— Aaron Korsh, Harvey Specter, Gabriel Macht, imdb.com
“Those are assets. Undeniable assets for any doctor, particularly a surgeon.”— David Shore, Dr. Aaron Glassman, Richard Schiff, imdb.com
“I hate doctors! They poke you, and ask if that hurts. Of course it hurts, you just poked me!”— Laurie Gelman, Hilda Spellman, Caroline Rhea, imdb.com
“Dr. Brickman: Hello, I’m Dr. Brickman. Sabrina: Let me guess, he has cold hands? Zelda: Don’t worry, he performed his first operation at two. Dr. Brickman: I even supervised my own birth — I’m a complete professional.”— Frank Conniff, Zelda Spellman, Beth Broderick, imdb.com
“Dr. William Masters, he's the alpha dog of coochie medicine.”— Michelle Ashford, Jane Martin, Helene York , imdb.com
“Some things no doctor can cure no matter how good he is, right? He can’t operate on a soul, only God can do that.”— Bathsheba Doran, Eileen Myers, Barbara Sanderson, Betsy Brandt, imdb.com
“I should have been a doctor. I look amazing in white, my handwriting is terrible, and I love telling people to take their pants off and just leaving and then making them sit there for an hour.”— Danny Rubin, Azie Mira Dungey, Titus Andromedon, Tituss Burgess, imdb.com
“Doctor says I have a big, spongy cervix. Oh, listen to me bragging about my vagina. It's last week's PTA meeting all over again.”— Brian Boyle, Erik Durbin, Francine Smith (voice), Wendy Schaal, imdb.com
“Hold it up! You're gonna let some quack doctor just knife around down there? You are blessed with a great power, and you should never snip its wings. You should let it soar.”— Daniel J. Goor, Michael Schur, Gina Linetti, Chelsea Peretti, imdb.com
“Life is pointless, Gandhi, and I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. The only thing more pointless than life itself is being a doctor. I mean, bottom line, you spend 8 years and 200 G's trying to get through med school and what do you have to show for it? I'll tell ya. A diploma on your wall, and…”— Debra Fordham, Perry Cox, John C. McGinley, imdb.com
“We lose many battles in medicine. But few things are as satisfying as rushing a bleeding patient to the operating room and performing an emergent splenectomy to save his life. This is why I became a surgeon. This is why I'll never give up.”— Eugene Gu, MD, twitter.com