“Ricky Bobby: How was school today, boys?

Walker: I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip's war medals off the bridge. [Chip is startled]

Ricky Bobby: Sounds like a good day. How 'bout you, TR?

Texas Ranger: The teacher asked me what was the capital of North Carolina. I said Washington, D.C.

Cal Naughton, Jr.: Bingo.

Ricky Bobby: Nice.

Texas Ranger: She said, 'No, you're wrong.' I said, 'You got a lumpy butt.' She got mad at me and yelled at me and I pissed in my pants and I never did change my pee-pants all day. I'm still sittin' in my dirty pee-pants.

Cal Naughton, Jr.: I wet my bed until I was nineteen. There's no shame in that.”