“Jean Girard: Bon. So, what if you just said: 'I love really thin pancakes'? That is a fair compromise, no? Kyle: That is a fair compromise. Herschell: Very fair, actually. Ricky Bobby: No! Because then everyone would know I really meant crêpes! Kyle: That's actually a pretty good compromise right…”Tagged: Pancakes, Compromise, Threats
“Ricky Bobby: How was school today, boys? Walker: I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip's war medals off the bridge. [Chip is startled] Ricky Bobby: Sounds like a good day. How 'bout you, TR? Texas Ranger: The teacher asked me what was the capital of North Carolina. I said Washington, D.C. Cal Naughton,…”Tagged: pee pants, North Carolina, Washington DC, Lumpy Butt
“Ricky Bobby: Oh hey, Casey. Casey Mears: [shakes Ricky's hand] Hey, Ricky. Ricky Bobby: Good, man. Casey Mears: I'm gonna wreck you today. [pause] I'm just kidding. Ricky Bobby: Oh, haha. That' a good one.”Tagged: fake threats
“Ricky Bobby: Hey, Greg. Greg Biffle: [shakes Ricky's hand] Hey. Good to see you back. Ricky Bobby: Thanks, bud. Greg Biffle: You're not gonna be runnin' up the road in your underwear again, are ya? Like in Charlotte? Ricky Bobby: You know what? That hurts, man. [Greg laughs, then suddenly stops]…”Tagged: Underwear, Charlotte, Embarrassment, insults, Greg Biffle
“[from the unrated version] Ricky Bobby: Hey. I lost my license. That's why I'm on the bus... I'm delivering pizzas. Passenger on Bus: Mothafucka, what makes you think I care? Shut the fuck up! Ricky Bobby: I—I've just telling you that 'cause, like I said, I lost my license. I've just been having a…”Tagged: testicles, Problems, driver's license
“This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I do love Fig Newtons.”Tagged: Stickers, fig newtons
“[after driving in reverse to beat Jamie McMurray] Hey Jamie, losing's never fun, but here's a little something to keep your spirits up! [Gives him the finger] It's real nice. I got it at Target. It was on sale.”Tagged: Middle Finger, Target
“Chip: I can't hold my tongue. These kids are my grandchildren and you are raising them wrong. They are terrible boys! Walker: Shut up, Chip, or I'll go apeshit on your ass! Texas Ranger: I'm gonna scissor-kick you in the back of the head! Cal Naughton, Jr.: Yeah! Ricky Bobby: Yeah! Now turn up the…”Tagged: apeshit, mountain dew
“Ricky Bobby: You sick sons of bitches. I mean you walk in that door, on your two legs...all fat and cocky and lookin' at me in my chair. And you tell me its all in my head? I hope that both of you have sons... Handsome, beautiful, articulate sons, who are talented and star athletes and they have…”Tagged: cocky, fat, sons of bitches, Articulate, Evil
“[on why Ricky should resume his racing career] Susan: It's because it's what you love, Ricky. It is who you were born to be. And here you sit, thinking. Well, Ricky Bobby is not a thinker. Ricky Bobby is a driver. He is a doer. And that's what you need to do. You don't need to think. You need to…”Tagged: skeleton, Horse, demon, cobra, Chaos
“Cal Naughton, Jr.: Shake 'n Bake! [puts hand out] Ricky Bobby: No, never again. Cal Naughton, Jr.: You're right. I was like a total dick, man. Ricky Bobby: From now on, you're the Magic Man and I'm El Diablo. Cal Naughton, Jr.: What does Diablo mean? Ricky Bobby: It's like...Spanish for like a…”Tagged: el diablo, Magic Man, spanish, fighting chicken
“Dear 8 pounds, 6 ounces...newborn infant Jesus, don't even know a word yet.”Tagged: newborn, Baby Jesus
“Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin' there in your ghost manger, just lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin' me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers.”Tagged: newborn, Baby Jesus, baby einstein, gang-bangers, Stereotypes About Poor Whites
“Lucius Washington: You're not gonna live forever. Ricky Bobby: No one lives forever, no one. But with advances in modern science and my high level income, it's not crazy to think I can live to be 245, maybe 300. Heck, I just read in the newspaper that they put a pig heart in some guy from Russia. Do…”Tagged: Longevity, Russia, pig heart
“Ricky Bobby: I came here to tell you one thing: come race time tomorrow, I'm coming for you. Jean Girard: Do you know why I came to America, Monsieur Bobby? Ricky Bobby: Health care systems, giant water parks. The same reason anyone comes to America. Jean Girard: I came here for you to beat me.…”Tagged: Highlander, Academy Awards, Katie Couric, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones
“Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me Allah! AAAAAHHH! Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!”Tagged: jewish god, Allah, Tom Cruise
“Hi, I'm Ricky Bobby. If you don't chew Big Red, then f-bleep you.”Tagged: Big Red, TV Commercials, Unexpected Profanity
“Well let me just quote the late-great Colonel Sanders, who said...'I'm too drunk to taste this chicken.'”Tagged: Colonel Sanders, Misquote, Drunk, chicken