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50 Hilarious Comebacks That Will Shut Everyone Up

(And Make You Look Like A Genius)

(50 total)

“You only annoy me when you’re breathing, really.”

“I’m not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one.”

“I’m trying my absolute hardest to see things from your perspective, but I just can’t get my head that far up my ass.”

“Someday you’ll go far—and I really hope you stay there.”

“Do yourself a favor and ignore anyone who tells you to be yourself. Bad idea in your case.”

“Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.”

“You have your entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?”

“If you’re waiting for me to care, I hope you brought something to eat, ‘cause it’s gonna be a really long time.”

“Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me, neither.”

“Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.”