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Quotes tagged ‘ass’

(67 total)

Woods is wound so tight you couldn't pull a pin outta his ass with a tractor.

— Chuck Pfarrer, Squeaky, Julio Oscar Mechoso, imdb.com

[Mooning Mox and Billy Bob through the truck window] Good moonin, boys! Good moonin! I have been up since the crack of dawn and I had to ass you a question.

— W. Peter Iliff, Charlie Tweeder, Scott Caan, imdb.com

It started off boring and slow with Not Sure trying to bullshit everyone with a bunch of smart talk: 'Blah blah blah. You gotta believe me!' That part of the trial sucked! But then the Chief J. just went off. He said, 'Man, whatever! The guy's guilty as shit! We all know that.' And he sentenced his…

— Mike Judge, Etan Cohen, Female Reporter, Lidia Porto, imdb.com

Joe and Rita had three children, the three smartest kids in the world. Vice President Frito took eight wives and had a total of 32 kids. Thirty-two of the dumbest kids ever to walk the Earth. OK, so maybe Joe didn't save mankind, but he got the ball rolling, and that's pretty good for an average guy…

— Mike Judge, Etan Cohen, Narrator (voice), Earl Mann, imdb.com

The #1 movie in America was called Ass. And that's all it was for 90 minutes. It won eight Oscars that year, including best screenplay.

— Mike Judge, Etan Cohen, Narrator (voice), Earl Mann, imdb.com

Orin: [holding a dentist's tool] Let me ask you something! Does this scare you? Would you like if I took this and headed right for your damn incisors? Seymour: [looks terrified] Orin: It'd hurt, right? Seymour: Uh huh. Orin: You'd scream, right? Seymour: Uh huh. Orin: Well, get your ass in here!

— Howard Ashman, Seymour Krelborn, Rick Moranis, imdb.com

Listen, I was wandering. Can I ask you a question? Uh...was your father a meat burglar? Here's why I ask: because it looks like somebody stole two fine hams and shoved them down the back of your dress.

— Andrew Steele, Dennis McNicholas, Leon Phelps, Tim Meadows, imdb.com

Goddamn-dipshit-Rodriguez-gypsy-dildo-punks. I'll get your ass.

— Alex Cox, Bud, Harry Dean Stanton, imdb.com

Daisy Duke: You know what’s gonna happen? They’re gonna get caught and get thrown in jail. Then I’m gonna have to shake my ass at somebody to get them out. Uncle Jesse: That’s why we love ya, honey.

— John O'Brien, Jonathan L. Davis, Daisy Duke, Jessica Simpson, imdb.com

Heather Vandergeld: Look who just flew in from the slums of Beverly Hills. Megan Vandergeld: It’s the Beverly Ho-Billies. Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Squeeze me? Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Oh no, you didn’t? Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] I’m sorry, but uhm...we just saw you…

— Keenen Ivory Wayans, Marlon Wayans, Shawn Wayans, Andrew McElfresh, Xavier Cook, Michael Anthony Snowden, Heather Vandergeld, Jaime King, imdb.com

Columbus: Hey, for fuck’s sake, enough already! We are being chased by ravenous freaks. Like we don’t have enough problems. Oh, they stole my Hummer. Oh, we have trust issues. Well, get over it! We can’t just fucking drive down the road playing I Spy or some shit for two hours like four normal-ass A…

— Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Tallahassee, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Columbus: [Columbus sprays Tallahassee with perfume; Tallahassee turns around and glares at Columbus] Okay. Let me begin my three-part apology by saying that I think you’re a wonderful human, with great potential. Tallahassee: It’s okay...but FYI, I have beat wholesale ass for a whole lot less than…

— Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Tallahassee, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Here's your ass lanyard.

— Donick Cary, Emily Cutler, Jack Griffin, Glenn Howerton, imdb.com

I had to. We had just won the NBA championship. And it was such a unique moment. And there’s a backstory. We were in Miami. The night before I had taken some Mavs customers to this club, LIV. I’m nervous as hell. I’ve got these customers with me. I’m not drinking. The DJ spots me and he says, 'You k…

— Mark Cuban, amazon.com

I get into bed with her. She’s totally naked, and she’s got one of these stripper asses that is rock hard. It looks like a cartoon in Playboy. I was getting ready to do her doggy-style. And there’s her ass up in the air that’s just perfection, as is the rest of her. I get my dick in. And if I say I…

— Gilbert Gottfried, amazon.com

Sun don't shine on the same dog's ass every day, but, mister you ain't seen a ray of light since you got here.

— Angelo Pizzo, Opal Fleener, Fern Persons, imdb.com

Mullins: Oh, Jesus. How many porns have been made on this couch? Tatiana: Oh, this couch not up to your satisfaction? You’re not comfy? Mullins: I’ll get comfy, when my foot’s up your ass.

— Katie Dippold, Mark Mullins, Bill Burr, imdb.com

I’m sick and tired of people telling me America is the greatest country—because we can whip your ass?

— Richard Ojeda, politico.com

That's an open and shut case, Munch. Try not to screw it up with your insane rambling. And stop looking at my ass.

— Dawn DeNoon, Lisa Marie Petersen, Monique Jeffries, Michelle Hurd, imdb.com

Look, I told you you're an ass. I just didn't realize you were a royal one.

— Julian Jones, Merlin, Colin Morgan, imdb.com

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