You were at the age where you could fall in love with a girl over an expression, over a gesture.
Catalog
Book
This Is How You Lose Her
Finalist for the 2012 National Book AwardA Time and People Top 10 Book of 2012 Finalist for the 2012 Story Prize Chosen as a notable or best book of the year by The New York Times, Entertainment Wee
Characters
I can see myself watching him shave every morning. And at other time I see us in that house and see how one bright day (or a day like this, so cold your mind shifts every time the wind does) he will wake up and decide it's all wrong. I'm sorry, he'll say. I have to leave now.
You eventually erase her contact info from your phone but not the pictures you took of her in bed while she was naked and asleep, never those.
You whispered my full name and we fell asleep in each other's arms and I remember how the next morning you were gone, completely gone, and nothing in my bed or the house could have proven otherwise.
You keep waiting for the heaviness to leave you. You keep waiting for the moment you never think about the ex again. It doesn't come.
Then you look at her and smile a smile your dissembling face will remember until the day you die. Baby, you say, baby, this is part of my novel. This is how you lose her.
But back then, in those first days, I was so alone that every day was like eating my own heart.
You try every trick in the book to keep her. You write her letters. You drive her to work. You quote Neruda. You compose a mass e-mail disowning all your sucias. You block their e-mails. You change your phone number. You stop drinking. You stop smoking. You claim you’re a sex addict and start attend…
Ana Iris once asked me if I loved him and I told her about the lights in my old home in the capital, how they flickered and you never knew if they would go out or not. You put down your things and you waited and couldn't do anything really until the lights decided. This, I told her, is how I feel.
Our relationship wasn't the sun, the moon, the stars, but it wasn't bullshit, either.
You ask everybody you know: How long does it usually take to get over it? There are many formulas. One year for every year you dated. Two years for every year you dated. It's just a matter of will power: The day you decide it's over, it's over. You never get over it.
And that's when I know it's over. As soon as you start thinking about the beginning, it's the end.
The half life of love is forever.
Then we fucked so that we could pretend that nothing hurtful had just happened.
Revenge is living well, without you.
...You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept. And, this is how you keep her.
You were at the age where you could fall in love with a girl over an expression, over a gesture.
You keep waiting for the heaviness to leave you. You keep waiting for the moment you never think about the ex again. It doesn't come.
Then you look at her and smile a smile your dissembling face will remember until the day you die...This is how you lose her.
This is what I know: people's hopes go on forever.