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Quotes tagged ‘blonde jokes’

(50 total)

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito will stop sucking after I slap it.

What does the blonde play on her iPod all the time? Breathe in...Breathe out...Breathe in...Breathe out.

A blonde is standing on one side of a canal. Another blonde walking on the other side yells across 'How do you get to the other side?' The other blonde yells back 'Duh, you're on the other side.'

— Reddit, reddit.com

A brunette comes home one day and saw her blonde roommate hanging from the ceiling by her waist. The brunette said 'What are you doing?' The blonde replies 'Hanging myself, I'm done with life, and want to die.' The brunette says back 'Wouldn't you put the rope around your neck?' The blonde replies '…

— Reddit, reddit.com

Two blondes walk into a building. You'd have thought one of them would've seen it.

— Reddit, reddit.com

How do you make a blonde run laps? Put her in a round room and tell her she has to pee in the corner.

— Reddit, reddit.com

How did the blonde break her legs raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.

— Reddit, reddit.com

On a flight to L.A., a blonde leaves her seat in coach and goes and sits in first class. When the stewardess tells her she has to return to her seat, the blonde says 'I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm staying right here until we reach L.A.'. The stewardess talks to the flight crew, so the co-pilot…

— Reddit, reddit.com

This man had sex with a blonde bomb shell. He pulled out a cigarette and lights up, then asks, 'Do you smoke after sex?' She looks down at her vagina with enthusiasm and says, 'I don't know! I've never checked.'

— Reddit, reddit.com

A blonde is on vacation and runs out of money. She wants to write an e-mail to her mother so that her mother can send her some. She goes to an internet café and goes up to the guy at the desk. She says: 'I'm sorry, but I'm broke and I really need to contact my mother. Is there any way I could do tha…

— Reddit, reddit.com

A blonde and a brunette are talking about sex, and the brunette says 'once I had sex with a Brazilian man', and the blonde asks 'how many is a Brazillian?!'

— Reddit, reddit.com

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. 'Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?' The blonde…

— Reddit, reddit.com

What's a blonde with 3 brain cells called? Pregnant.

— Reddit, reddit.com

Two blondes are walking through the woods and come across some tracks. Blonde #1: Awww how cute, deer tracks. Blonde #2: Those are wolf tracks stupid! Blonde #1: NO, my dad taught me about this, These are deer tracks! They keep arguing and 20 minutes later they get hit by a train.

— Reddit, reddit.com

Blonde, brunette, and redhead in the gyno's office. All three are pregnant. The brunette says she's sure she's having a boy, because when she got pregnant her husband was on top. The redhead says in that case, she figures she's having a girl, because when she got pregnant she was on top. The blonde…

— Reddit, reddit.com

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stuck on an island a moderate distance from shore. The brunette tries to swim back, gets tired a quarter of the way there and heads back to the island. The redhead tries to swim back, gets tired a third of the way there and also heads back. The blonde gets hal…

— Reddit, reddit.com

What's a blonde say after multiple orgasms? 'You fellows all on the same team?'

— Reddit, reddit.com

A blonde a brunette and a redhead are on an elevator when a good looking man gets on. He gets off at the next floor. Having noticed his dandruff, the redhead says to the brunette, 'He could use some head and shoulders.' Looking confused, the blonde asks, 'How do you give a guy shoulders?'

— Reddit, reddit.com

Why do blondes wear hoop earrings? They need a place to put their legs.

— Reddit, reddit.com

What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic? They know how many went down on the Titanic.

— Reddit, reddit.com

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